How to Get Your Name Suggestions Actually Taken Seriously
How to Get Your Name Suggestions Actually Taken Seriously
The Dismissed Dad
I suggested 'Marcus' for my son. My wife looked at me like I'd suggested 'Refrigerator.' No explanation, no discussion—just a face that said 'absolutely not, and I'm concerned you think that's viable.'
Marcus is a perfectly good name. It's classic, strong, means 'dedicated to Mars.' But my wife had already decided she wanted something softer, and my Marcus didn't fit her vision. She'd been thinking about baby names for years. I'd been thinking about them for a few weeks. We weren't even playing the same game.
This is the dismissed dad experience. Your suggestions feel reasonable to you. They get rejected without ceremony. You start to wonder if you're allowed to have opinions at all. Eventually, you give up and let her decide—which is exactly what she didn't want, because she wanted a partner in this process, not a passive approver.
This guide is about getting your suggestions taken seriously. Not by demanding your names win, but by presenting them in ways that invite consideration. Because the goal isn't for you to pick the name—it's for you both to find a name together.
Why Your Suggestions Get Dismissed
Understanding rejection helps you avoid it.
You're Showing Up Late
Many women have been thinking about baby names since childhood. By pregnancy, they've narrowed from thousands to dozens. Meanwhile, you're just starting. Your fresh enthusiasm meets her refined preferences, and your suggestions feel naive.
Different Criteria
You might value strength, simplicity, or family honor. She might value uniqueness, meaning, or sound. If you're optimizing for different things, your suggestions will miss her mark every time—not because they're bad, but because they're solving the wrong problem.
Poor Presentation
'How about Steve?' is not a compelling pitch. You've given her nothing to work with—no reasoning, no enthusiasm, no connection to anything she values. Even good names fail with bad presentation.
Too Many Vetoes, Too Few Yeses
If you've rejected everything she suggested, she's less inclined to engage with yours. Naming is reciprocal. If you want generosity receiving, show generosity giving.
Your Suggestions Are Actually Bad
Be honest: are they? An ex's name? A name with terrible associations? Something objectively dated? Sometimes rejection is deserved. Consider whether the problem is her receptiveness or your suggestions.
The Research Advantage
The dad who does homework gets heard.
Become the Expert
Spend real time on baby name websites. Read meaning origins. Understand popularity trends. When you can discuss why names rise and fall, your opinions carry more weight.
Know Her Style
What names has she already mentioned? What do they have in common? Is she drawn to classic or unique? Short or long? Meaningful or sound-driven? Study her preferences before suggesting alternatives.
Learn Name History
'Henry feels too stuffy' is easy to dismiss. 'Henry was actually considered rebellious in the 1980s and is now seen as classic but not common' shows knowledge. Information builds credibility.
Have Data Ready
'I was thinking about Oliver' is weak. 'Oliver means peace, has been rising for a decade without becoming overexposed, and has nickname flexibility with Ollie' is persuasive. Preparation matters.
Presenting Names Effectively
How you suggest matters as much as what.
The Meaning Lead
Start with why, not what. 'I've been thinking about what we want our child's name to mean. Strength is important to me, and I found these names that carry that meaning: Gabriel, Ethan, Andrew. What do you think about that theme?'
The Connection Frame
Link to something she cares about. 'You mentioned wanting something with a nice flow. I found Theodore—three syllables, soft sounds, multiple nickname options. Does that match what you meant by flow?'
The Small List Approach
Don't dump fifty names. Present three, with reasons for each. 'Here are three I've been thinking about: William for tradition, Felix for meaning, and Leo for simplicity. I'm not attached to any one—I just wanted to see if any of these directions interest you.'
The Discovery Invitation
Make it collaborative. 'I found this name category—nature names—that I didn't expect to like but actually do. Would you be open to exploring it together?' You're not pushing a name; you're inviting exploration.
The Visual Aid
Show her the names written out. Full name with middle and last. How it looks matters. 'William James Thompson—doesn't that look good on paper?' Visual presentation elevates perception.
Understanding Your Partner's Criteria
Figure out what she's actually looking for.
Ask Directly
'What's most important to you in a name? Uniqueness? Meaning? Family connection? Sound?' Listen without arguing. Her criteria are valid even if different from yours.
Analyze Her Suggestions
If she's suggested Oliver, Sebastian, and Theodore, she probably values classic names with nickname potential. If she's suggested Luna, Willow, and Aurora, she probably values nature imagery and femininity. Find the pattern.
Identify Non-Negotiables
Some criteria are flexible; some aren't. 'No names from ex-partners' is probably firm. 'Nothing too popular' might be negotiable. Know which rules are breakable.
Find Overlap
Where do your criteria and hers intersect? If you want traditional and she wants unique, look for traditional names that have become uncommon: Frederick, Arthur, Matilda. The overlap exists—find it.
The Long Game Strategy
Patience wins naming battles.
Plant Seeds Early
Mention names casually, without pressure. 'I read an article about the name Felix today—interesting that it means lucky.' Three weeks later, she might bring it up herself. Seeds need time to grow.
Revisit, Don't Repeat
A rejected name might succeed later. 'You know, I keep coming back to Henry. I know you weren't sure before, but would you be open to telling me specifically what bothered you?' Circumstances and feelings change.
Build Credit
Enthusiastically support names she suggests, even if they're not your favorite. 'I can see why you love Elijah. Tell me more about what draws you to it.' Generosity now creates reciprocity later.
Don't Force Decisions
Pressure creates resistance. 'We don't have to decide today. Let's both keep thinking' reduces defensiveness. Most couples find their name in the last trimester anyway.
Use Time As Ally
A name that feels wrong in month five might feel right in month eight. Preferences evolve. If your suggestion is good, time is on your side.
When to Advocate vs When to Yield
Knowing which battles matter.
Advocate For: Deep Meaning
If a name connects to something profound—deceased parent, cultural heritage, life-changing experience—fight for it. These connections don't exist in other names.
Yield For: Aesthetic Preference
If your objection is just 'I don't love the sound,' consider whether that's worth conflict. Sounds grow on you. Deep objections don't fade as easily.
Advocate For: Genuine Deal-Breakers
Ex's name, trauma association, overwhelming embarrassment—these are real. Don't yield on names that would cause ongoing distress.
Yield For: Minor Concerns
'A kid in my third-grade class had that name' isn't a real problem. 'It's ranked #8 instead of #42' isn't a crisis. Some concerns are manufactured resistance, not genuine issues.
The Question to Ask
'Is this something I'll regret in ten years, or something I won't remember in ten months?' Ten-year regrets are worth fighting over. Ten-month forgettables aren't.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q1: What if she just wants to pick herself?
That's a relationship issue, not a naming issue. Have the meta-conversation: 'I want to be part of this decision. How can we make that work?' If she dismisses that, couples counseling might be warranted. Naming is your first major parenting decision together—the pattern you establish matters.
Q2: How do I know if my suggestions are actually bad?
Get outside opinions. Ask a trusted friend (not a family member with stake in the game) to honestly evaluate your names. Read name forums to see how others perceive them. If everyone outside your partnership also rejects your suggestions, they might genuinely be the problem.
Q3: Is it okay to fight for a name I love?
Advocate strongly for meaningful names. Don't fight dirty—no ultimatums, no guilt trips, no 'fine, name them whatever you want' martyrdom. But yes, expressing that a name matters deeply to you is valid and important. How you fight matters more than whether you fight.
Q4: What if we genuinely can't agree?
Consider: first name vs middle name trade, delayed decision until you meet the baby, professional mediation. As last resort: some couples agree one parent names the first child, the other names the second. Not ideal, but better than permanent resentment.
Q5: Does it matter if I don't get my way?
What matters is whether you feel heard and whether you can genuinely embrace the final name. You can 'lose' the naming decision while still feeling like a valued partner. You can also 'win' and create lasting resentment. The outcome matters less than the process.
The Name You Both Choose
My son isn't named Marcus. He's named something my wife suggested that I initially resisted but came to love. The process of getting there involved me suggesting names she rejected, her suggesting names I rejected, and eventually finding something neither of us had initially considered but both of us could embrace.
I got taken seriously not because I demanded it, but because I did the work. I researched names. I understood her criteria. I presented suggestions thoughtfully. I yielded gracefully when appropriate and advocated firmly when necessary. I acted like a partner, not an obstacle.
Your suggestions can get taken seriously too. Not all of them will win—that's how partnership works. But you can be a genuine participant in this decision, with input that shapes the outcome, if you approach it right.
Name your child together. That's the goal. Not your name or her name—a name you both chose, for a child you're both raising.
Find names worth fighting for on SoulSeed—where partnership meets inspiration.
