Unsolicited Parenting Advice: How to Smile, Nod, and Ignore

Unsolicited Parenting Advice: How to Smile, Nod, and Ignore

"When I had babies, we just put whiskey on their gums!" Thank you, Carol. I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that.

The moment you announce a pregnancy, you become a public forum for opinions. Everyone—your mother-in-law, the cashier at Target, a stranger in the elevator—suddenly has critical information about how you should raise your child.

Here's how to survive the advice avalanche without losing your mind or your relationships.

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Why Everyone Thinks They're an Expert

The Psychology Behind Unsolicited Advice:

• They survived: "I did this and my kids turned out fine" feels like expertise.
• They care: Advice often comes from love, even when it's annoying.
• They're anxious: Watching you do things differently triggers their worry about their own choices.
• They want to help: Advice feels like contribution when they can't do anything else.
• They forgot: Rose-colored memories of their own parenting days.

Understanding this helps (a little) with not wanting to scream.

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The Hall of Fame: Advice That Needs to Stop

The "Advice"	What They Mean	The Reality
"Sleep when the baby sleeps"	Rest is important	Cool, I'll also do laundry when the baby does laundry
"Enjoy every moment"	Time flies	Some moments are not enjoyable. That's okay.
"You're holding them too much"	???	You cannot spoil a baby with love
"Have you tried rice cereal?"	Food will help sleep	Not recommended before 4-6 months. Won't help sleep.
"In my day..."	We didn't need all this	In your day, car seats were optional

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Response Strategies: Pick Your Approach

1. The Smile and Nod (Low Energy, Low Conflict)

Best for: Strangers, distant relatives, people you'll never see again

How it works: "Hmm, interesting!" [Change subject or walk away]

You don't owe anyone a debate. Smile, nod, move on. They'll forget they said it; you'll forget they exist.

2. The Deflect (Medium Energy)

Best for: Well-meaning family you want to keep the peace with

Scripts:

• "Our pediatrician has us doing it this way, but thanks!"
• "We're trying something different that works for us."
• "I'll definitely think about that!" (You won't)
• "Thanks for caring about [baby's name]!"

3. The Boundary (High Energy, Necessary Sometimes)

Best for: Repeat offenders, unsafe advice, people who won't stop

Scripts:

• "I've got this handled, but I'll ask if I need help."
• "We've made this decision with our doctor. It's not up for discussion."
• "I know you mean well, but I need you to trust me on this."
• "This topic is closed. Let's talk about something else."

4. The Humor (If You Have the Energy)

Scripts:

• "I'll add that to the list of things I'm probably doing wrong!"
• "You should see the other things I'm messing up!"
• "Good thing babies are resilient, right?"

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Special Cases

The Mother-in-Law (or Your Own Mom)

This one's tricky because you have to keep the relationship and also establish boundaries.

• Have your partner handle their own parent when possible
• Present a united front: "WE'VE decided..."
• Choose your battles—some things aren't worth the conflict
• Give them a role: "You're so good at [specific thing]—can you handle that?"

The Internet

The entire internet will tell you you're wrong. Someone, somewhere, has an opinion about every choice you make.

Solution: Curate ruthlessly. Leave Facebook groups that stress you out. Unfollow judgy accounts. The algorithm feeds you what you engage with—stop engaging with criticism.

The Medical Gaslighter

"Your doctor is wrong" or "Those studies are flawed" from a person with zero medical training.

Response: "I trust my pediatrician. This isn't a debate."

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How to Actually Get Helpful Advice

Sometimes you DO want input. Here's how to get the good stuff:

• Ask specific people: "You seemed to handle [specific thing] well. What worked for you?"
• Be specific about what you want: "I'm looking for practical tips, not judgment."
• Find your people: A parent friend group where you can be honest
• Follow evidence-based sources: AAP, actual pediatricians, not random momfluencers

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The Bottom Line